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In Everyday Life

Stumbling into Fall

Fall_leaves

I woke up and it was already the first day of fall. How is it that in the past two and a half months I have only written on the blog twice?! I feel like I may or may not have actually been asleep for most of it. These months have FLOWN by and unlike most of my summers in the past, Summer 2016 in San Francisco (which actually goes until end of October) was filled with a lot of firsts – some awesome and some not so great. The first first was celebrating MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY IN THE CITY!!!! This date came and went so fast it felt like I was just celebrating another anniversary of living here. I have absolutely LOVED it here in the city and I couldn’t be happier with the tough decision I made to leave the comfort of Seattle – read about my decision here. I promise there is a post coming about some of my favorites from the city and everything I have been lucky enough to enjoy my first  year here.

I took more trips back to Seattle this summer than I did the other 9 months I have been here, mostly for family events such as 4th of July on Lake Union, my sweet Grandma Dot’s 80th Birthday Party and the last trip was my brother’s pre-deployment trip. My younger (but much larger) brother is in the Marine Corps and will be leaving soon for his first deployment. On a very selfish level, I am sad and mad that they are making him go somewhere where he could be in danger. The other part of me is so freaking proud of him and the decisions he has made to pursue a career that he is passionate about and frankly, really good at. My mind flips between these two bipolar thoughts daily and being able to go home and hangout with him for a week and a half was so special and comforting. Being able to have zero control over what happens when he is on his deployment is terrifying but knowing that the past year and half of training he has been through and excelled at, is the only comfort we can lean on in realizing how ready he is. We may not be ready but he is. We can’t even imagine the discipline and training he has been through; he can. He is doing something selfless for his country and I have been sitting here, having these selfish thoughts, thinking about how this is going to affect ME emotionally, when I’m not even the one going and the most “danger” I encounter everyday is walking down Market Street in San Francisco.rachel_blair

Typing this all out 1. Makes me feel like a baby 2. Makes me realize that while most of us stumble into fall with our pumpkin spice latte’s, chunky sweaters and boots, my brother is trading one desert for another, carrying 100lbs of gear at a time and sweating in the eastern summer heat and 3. It’s because he and his brothers do what they do that we have the opportunity to enjoy silly things like the PSL and other simple things we take for granted. One of the things I told him to do was to write. Write about everything – happy, sad, angry, proud – literally everything. I guess in me telling him to write, I didn’t realize that maybe I should too – that it might make this whole departure easier to wrap my head around. Yes, men and women deploy everyday but when it hits close to home it just feels different. So thank you, for everything you do. I love you little bro. You are going to do amazing things while abroad and I am so beyond proud of everything you have already accomplished. Like you kept telling us, “Guys, this isn’t goodbye, its see ya later!” 

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marine

Ps…thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

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